


Sanctimonia Vincit Semper

by OpusEye



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Arranged Marriage, Death Eaters, Emotional Manipulation, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/M, Forced Marriage, Pureblood Culture
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-15
Updated: 2018-08-19
Packaged: 2019-06-27 15:00:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,579
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15687774
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OpusEye/pseuds/OpusEye
Summary: To preserve the integrity of their blood, ancient wizarding families made blood binding betrothals between their children, even when they weren't old enough to understand the consequences of such arrangements. Such was the case of the arrangement between the Malfoys and Greengrasses, an arrangement that brought together Astoria and Draco. But, as the war progresses and Draco slowly begins his descent into darkness, what becomes of Astoria, who will soon have to marry a Death Eater by the force of a promise she made as a child?





	1. Memoriae

**Author's Note:**

> All things truly wicked start from innocence -Ernest Hemingway
> 
> (for the full experience please listen to The Curse by Agnes Obel)

Astoria did not remember being betrothed to Draco Malfoy.

She had been so young then, barely standing at eight years old, reciting vows and pledges that sounded heavy and strange in her mouth. All she remembered was being told to smile by her parents, who pinched her underneath the celebration table when she even dared to do as much as chew with her mouth open. All she remembered was Draco’s resigned scowl and mean jabs that she had mistaken for innocent teasing. She remembered wanting to go home and play with her dolls, not stand alongside a bunch of adults who were congratulating her about something she could barely understand. 

What she did understand though was that this much bigger than just her and Draco. This was about keeping the blood pure, which her father often raged about since as long as Astoria could remember. She knew that one day, she would be a part of Draco’s family, that she’d put on another pretty dress and stay with him till the end of days. Back then, as an eight year old, it all sounded like a dream come true. After all, what pureblood, self-respecting girl  _ didn’t  _ want Draco Malfoy?

So, Astoria did as most pure-blooded girls did at her age. She had pledged to marry as soon as she was of age or risk being cursed. She placed her future into the hands of a boy that she seemingly knew all her life but could barely begin to understand. Astoria was sold off to the highest bidder, like one of the dolls that her parents kept shoving towards her and her sister to make up for their absences. All for more power, more wealth, more affluence.  _ More, more and more. _

At first, Astoria believed it all to be a fairytale. She remembered getting all fluttery and strangely happy when she saw Draco, despite him not giving her as much as a nod of acknowledgement at every party they attended. Instead, he was off with his cronies, including Parkinson, who Astoria used to be so jealous of, she’d thought of all the ways she could hex the girl once she got her wand. All the way up until the summer before Astoria went off to Hogwarts, she fancied Malfoy like crazy, dreaming up of stories in which he finally realised he loved her and they lived happily ever after. 

That was, of course, not at all the case. Malfoy continued to shut her out, even stooping down to occasional ridicule, making Astoria completely lose all hope in having her silly little crush reciprocated. Eventually, as she made her journey to Hogwarts, the crush faded completely, leaving nothing but a small hope in whatever amicable relationship there could exist.

For a while, Astoria forgot about him, too wrapped up in adjusting to the life at the castle. She got sorted into Slytherin, unsurprisingly, and attempted to make friends, which came with difficulty, considering how shy she was. Nonetheless, she soon developed a strong relationship with Juno Selwyn and Fiona Appleton, two pureblood girls that her mother would have nodded her head at approvingly. Juno was quiet and had an edge to her that was present in all Slytherins, one that speaks of danger at an attempt of crossing. On the other hand, Fiona was sweet, red-faced and quick to laugh, often tasking herself with cheering up the gloomy Juno. Astoria didn’t know how she fits into the equation. All she knew is that as she tried to see the real world, the shadow of her parents’ expectations continued to loom over her. 

Draco paid little mind to her and so did the rest of his friends, which Astoria was grateful for. She was too focused on her studies, which caused her friends to joke that with such an ardour for learning, she should’ve been sorted into Ravenclaw. However, one day, Astoria had no choice but to speak to him. Or rather, she wasn’t cruel enough to ignore him.

Astoria had gone to the infirmary during Defense Against the Dark Arts, on insistence of Professor Lupin, who noticed what a big headache she got during his lecture on different spells. But, as she made her way to see Madame Pomfrey, she heard miserable wails that sounded oddly familiar. As she made her way inside, she spotted Draco’s silver head as Madame Pomfrey was assuring him that he didn’t have to scream so much. It was only him in the infirmary, except for of course, the newly arrived Astoria.

“Madame… Madame Pomfrey?”, she called out meekly as the nurse began to retreat from Draco, causing both his and her head to turn towards Astoria.

Madame Pomfrey was quick to hurry over to Astoria, a worried crease on her forehead. Meanwhile, Draco turned his head away from her in either distaste or embarrassment, Astoria couldn't tell. He clutched his arm, which looked as if it was either broken or bleeding, or both, because of all the bandages that he was wrapped in.

“ What is your name, child? Are you hurt? Do you need a seat?”, the nurse asked her as she gestured for Astoria to sit down.

Astoria did so, glancing nervously at both the nurse and Draco, who was just a bed away from her.

“ I am Astoria. Astoria Greengrass. I was just… just hoping you had something for my head”, she replied hesitantly, clasping her hands together.

“ Oh that is just fine”, Madame Pomfrey said as she went rummaging through drawers, taking out a bottle that she then handed to Astoria, “If you drink that and sit down for a ten minute or so, you’ll be just dandy”, she continued as she flicked her wand, causing the quill on a paper to begin writing, but then as she looked at Astoria, she paused, “You know I knew a Greengrass myself many times ago. Often sick, she was, always at the infirmary. The poor child wouldn’t stop wailing. She looked just like you, you know, the freckles, the green eyes, the brown hair. Uncanny”. 

Astoria stilled, putting down the potion, and felt Draco turn around as well, a curious brow raised towards the reminiscent Madame Pomfrey. Astoria suddenly remembered her Aunt Cassandra, who her father talked of very rarely but whose portrait hung on their wall, often talking to Astoria about this or that.

“You must mean my Aunt Cassandra. She died many years ago of an illness. No one knows what it was”, she replied a little less jittery this time.

Madame Pomfrey nodded absentmindedly.

“Ah, yes, Cassandra. Cassandra Greengrass”, she mumbled under her breath as she took to the books on her desk.

Astoria felt perplexed for a minute or so but then dropped it, turning her head over to Draco, who winced each time he moved his arm. She furrowed her brows and looked at him in sympathy as she watched him struggle.

“ Draco, are you alright?”, she asked him quietly as he winced yet again.

Draco snapped his head at her, looking annoyed at her question, even more so than he usually would. His silvery hair caught the sun, turning a bright yellow, causing Astoria to feel the residue of the feelings she had left.

“It’s none of your concern, Greengrass. Stick to minding your own business, would you?”, he hissed at her, looking very peeved.

Astoria’s heart sank and she took a deep breath, quickly turning away from him. Madame Pomfrey lifted her head, looking at Draco in distaste, clicking her tongue.

“ Mr. Malfoy, I’d much prefer if you did not act rude towards Ms. Greengrass. You would not act that way to a fellow friend, would you?”, she said, raising a brow.

Draco scoffed.

“Greengrass is not my friend. She’s my intended”, Draco said haughtily, spitting the last word, causing Madame Pomfrey to look between them in surprise.

At that exact moment, Draco’s friends walked in through the door, immediately flocking his side. They didn’t seem to notice Astoria at first, neither did they seem to hear their little conversation. However after some fussing, they all started to sit around him, causing Astoria to stir uncomfortably. Parkinson was first to spot her, looking at her with a mocking smile, making everybody else to look at Astoria.

“If it isn’t little Greengrass. What are you doing here? Following Draco?”, Pansy hissed as she clutched Draco’s shoulder.

“I’m not-”, Astoria began to say, only to be interrupted by Crabbe.

“Didn’t your parents teach you to not follow people, huh, Greengrass?”, he taunted her.

Astoria watched the whole scene unfold with terror seeping into heart, knowing that she was being cornered as soon as she saw Madame Pomfrey disappear behind her cabinet doors. Crabbe, Goyle and Parkinson began looming over her, self-righteous smirks on their faces. Draco turned his head to look at her and for once, she noticed his blue eyes soften.

“Leave her alone”, he bit out, “Don’t you idiots know who she is? She’s not bloody Hermione Granger for you to push around”.

The trio stepped away from her reluctantly, looking between themselves and then at Draco before sitting back down. They turned away from her, instead choosing to speak between themselves as if nothing happened. Draco watched Astoria with a wary eye but soon enough he too, turned away. Astoria sat there stunned for a solid minute, stunned at Draco defending her or even acknowledging that she was important in any way. However, as she soon recovered her wits, she stumbled away from the infirmary back into her class.

Later that day, Daphne, her sister, approached her in the common room, snatching Astoria away from Fiona and Juno. Astoria was a little winded and surprised, seeing as Daphne and Astoria didn’t talk much at Hogwarts. Daphne, apart from being the eldest, was the brightest and prettiest out of the pair of them. Daphne had the long, luscious honey blonde locks, she had the grace and the elegance, even making the eyes that both her and Astoria shared look more mysterious and beautiful. Astoria bleaked in comparison with her light brown hair and pale, freckled skin. Even for her age, Astoria was incredibly small, described as a little doll by everyone while Daphne always stood tall and straight, nearly as tall as the boys around her. 

Astoria often wondered why it was not her that the Malfoys chose, even asking her mother about it. To which, her mother always replied with that Narcissa Malfoy insisted that Draco be married to Astoria. And although her mother never mentioned it, Astoria strongly believed it was because Astoria was the meeker sister, especially in comparison to Daphne and her explosive anger, therefore, making the better pureblood wife. As for Daphne, she was given to Theodore Nott, not that Daphne minded, at least not by the way that she looked at him.

“Pansy Parkinson was talking about Malfoy defending you today in the infirmary, Tori. Why were you even there? Were you following him?”, she demanded, her eyes piercing through Astoria’s.

Astoria shook her head at her furious sister, whose bright green eyes narrowed as she looked her little sister up and down.

“ Listen to me, Tori, Malfoy is not a good person. No matter what mum and dad tell you about him, whether or not you will be with him one day, do not talk to him. Do not follow him. Do not look at him. Do not even think of him, Tori. Keep him out of your mind while you are still young”, Daphne told Astoria, her speech full of passion and warning.

Astoria nodded, scared to her bits with the intensity on her sister’s face.

Daphne was always first to show pride in their family name and their house. She, out of everyone, was the least shy in speaking to Astoria about their family’s dark past with the Dark Lord. To hear her speak against Draco made Astoria wary and as an eleven-year-old, it was what had further stirred her away from the one that she knew she would have to inevitably marry.

Astoria did not remember being betrothed to Draco Malfoy.

Yet, she did not have to remember it happening for it to affect the rest of her life.


	2. Omnis Puritas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way -Lev Tolstoy
> 
> (for full experience listen to Seven Devils by Florence and the Machine)

There was nothing more important to Perseus Greengrass than the value of their name. He often boasted of his ancestors on the celebration table, recounting long tales of how their ancestor, Apollon Greengrass, was once Minister of Magic. The Greengrass sigil was even sewn into every robe the girls wore, proudly displaying a snake amidst green grass. On the bottom were the ever-present words that her mother so often spoke over the dinner table.

_ Omnis puritas. _

_ Purity above all. _

It was no wonder that those words belonged to the Greengrasses. After all, they were most famous for being in the Sacred Twenty-Eight, twenty-eight families that have managed to preserve their blood to be the purest. It was what their reputation was built on and to Astoria’s parents, there was nothing more important than reputation. After all, it was not for nothing that they betrothed Daphne and Astoria at such a young age. Everything they taught their daughters, from keeping composure to shunning mudbloods, was because they wanted to preserve that reputation. Astoria remembered that, as a young child, she'd been taught that muggles were to be ignored, mudbloods shunned and half-bloods tolerated. It had been drilled into her head so steadfastly to the point where she completely blocked herself from the suffering of those beneath her in blood status. 

While Astoria didn't partake in the active bullying of blood traitors and mudbloods, she did not stop it either. She would turn away once she saw her sister, Pansy Parkinson and a group of other Slytherin girls target mudbloods with their ruthless insults. She did not let pity take over her, she refused to. Astoria had to make a good living for her own first before she jumped headfirst into the toil of others. After all, she was not a Gryffindor or a Hufflepuff. She was a Slytherin to her very core.

But, something changed in Astoria after her second year, when the Dark Lord returned. While the Ministry and most others denied his return, Astoria had no doubt that Harry Potter spoke the truth. She could see how her father suddenly became more nervous, she could hear her parents’ hushed conversations in the drawing room. There was plenty of fear but there was excitement too. All across Greengrass Hall, amongst house elves and the family, there was one thing made clear. 

He was coming. The Dark Lord was coming.

While the Greengrasses didn't follow the footsteps of many other pureblood families that so ardently followed the Dark Lord’s every order, they did side with him. They supported him in secret, Astoria’s father using his Ministry position to further extinguish the rumours that the Dark Lord was back and even disappearing every so now and then to keep rank in the Dark Lord’s graces. Astoria’s mother was even more keen to join the cause, which came to no surprise, considering how she born a Yaxley. 

While Daphne revelled in the return of what she called ‘their former glory’, Astoria was hesitant. She kept thinking of the mudbloods she interacted with, albeit briefly. She kept thinking of Colin Creevey, who let her borrow his ink when she forgot in Potions or Hermione Granger, who let Astoria use her notes one day at the library. Guilt gnawed at her from inside out, sinking in her stomach like a heavy stone. She did not say anything because she was taught not to, but something buried deep within her wanted to yell at them to stop. She wanted to shout at them to leave it be and stay out of the war but Astoria couldn't. Every rule, every pinch and every slap that she's received from her parents made the words get stuck in her throat.

Her mother’s voice, like an omnipresent being, loomed over Astoria at every moment, instructing her to act as any well-bred pureblood girl would. Back straight, chin up, no frown and no mention of things that might anger anyone at the table. Astoria had to be demure, quiet and always at her best behaviour. 

Astoria, still being so young, lived by those rules religiously as the year progressed, doing her best to ignore Umbridge’s cruel and unnecessary rules and just live her life. As irritated as she was, Astoria was smart enough not to speak against her. Instead, she wrote to her father about Umbridge hoping for any kind of change. But, she shouldn't have even bothered, considering how her father wouldn't move a finger to help alleviate the pain of those beneath him in blood status. And for the first time in her life, Astoria hated him for it.

Slowly, the acrid, all-consuming feeling of hate began to leak through the carefully built walls around Astoria’s mind. She hated getting letters from her parents, instructing her to keep her head down. She hated Daphne, for cackling like a bloody gargoyle every time she saw a mudblood child return with a blood soaked sleeve after leaving Umbridge’s office and her blood quills. She hated Draco, for being part of the Inquisitor Squad, that goddamn satisfied look whenever he saw someone else’s suffering. 

Suddenly, Astoria began to awaken. Her mother’s voice slowly began to fade into the background and Astoria let go of any attempt to appear like the perfect pure blooded girl. She no longer pretended to be alright with the arrangement her parents made for her and Draco. She didn't pretend to forgive Daphne after she tormented little kids who did nothing apart from being born into a blood status lower than them. Astoria didn't pretend to be fine with whatever mess Umbridge was making of the school.

After all, she was a bloody Slytherin. Since when did she have to listen to what other people wanted for her? The only person that mattered when it came to what she wanted was Astoria herself. Even if it took her thirteen years to understand this, at least she understood it now.

“ Stor?”, Fiona called her name as she waved her hand in front of her face, “ Stor? Are you alright? You look quite pale”.

Astoria’s refocused her attention, meeting eye to eye with Fiona’s blue gaze. She was in the Great Hall for dinner, sitting beside Juno and Fiona, who very chatting away as Astoria began to zone out.

“ It's nothing really”, Astoria replied as wrapped a light brown curl around her finger.

Juno narrowed her eyes, lifting a perfectly shaped brow at her. She was no stranger to the Death Eaters business, considering how close Isidore Selwyn, her father, was to the Dark Lord nowadays. She must have guessed what it was that Astoria was thinking about from the look on her face.

“ Do not lie, Greengrass, you've been shifty lately”, Juno hissed as she leaned over the table, her short black hair brushing her chin, “ Spill”.

Astoria looked away, meeting eye to eye with Daphne, who was sitting beside Pansy Parkinson, an odd look on her face. Till this day, Astoria wondered about Daphne. While her sister often seemed to care for her, like when she warned Astoria about Draco, she was so distant, so vile when they were not together. It was so hard to reconcile the two images she had of her sister.

Astoria had to look away.

“ I heard about the club that Potter has been gathering”, Astoria blurts out, causing Fiona’s eyes to widen, “ He teaches them Defense Against the Dark Arts. Not the kind Umbridge teaches. Real Defense Against the Dark Arts”.

Fiona’s eyes shifted over to the Gryffindor table, where Potter and his friends were sitting. It was no secret to Juno and Astoria that Fiona always had a keen interest in Defense Against the Dark Arts, to see it be ruined by Umbridge frustrated her to end. Astoria would often catch her eye wandering toward Potter as him and his friends scrambled about.

Astoria knew that she heard the rumours too, she just hadn't voiced them.

“ What of it, do you plan to beg Potter to let you in? You and I both know that Potter doesn't trust us Slytherins. He and his crew probably think we’re all evil, Death Eater loving idiots”, Juno hissed bitterly, her dark eyes filling with resentment.

Astoria sighed and dropped in, knowing, deep inside, that Juno was right.

Astoria never really hated Potter and she understood why it was that he would mistrust Slytherins. There was, of course, the Dark Lord but also plenty others who tried to make his existence a living hell (mostly Draco, really, who had a fervent obsession with making Potter regret being bloody born). But, still, for a second, Astoria wished she could have earned a place in his little club and finally done something that she believed in. 

But, the lines of war had already been drawn before it started and Astoria was on the side that everyone expected her to be on, not the side that she chose for herself. 

Not to say that Astoria wished to mix with a rubble of mudbloods and call them her ‘friends’, but she didn't want them hurt either. It seemed common sense to her, to not wish pain upon somebody simply based on their blood, but with each day, she heard more and more whispers in her House common room about the rising of the Dark Lord. It saddened Astoria to see that most of them were in support. Nonetheless, she kept quiet and clutched her family ring, her thumb grazing over their motto more with each day, trying to convince herself to be true to her house. To be true to her nature. The rebelling in her didn't quell.

The summer that she returned from her third year of Hogwarts, after the Battle in the Department of Mysteries and the subsequent reveal of the Dark Lord’s existence, Astoria shared her thoughts on her parents’ actions and later got beaten by her mother. Daphne watched from the corner as Astoria got beaten, tears leaking out of her eyes as she put a hand over her mouth.

Daphne was there with her later, handing her healing potions and ointments as Astoria let out ugly sobs, cursing her parents. She didn't  say anything for a while, her own tear-stained face full of sorrow and worry.

“ I hate them”, Astoria hissed out as Daphne rubbed the spot where her cheek was bruised with an ointment, “I hate them and their stupid pride. I hate it. I hate it…”.

Astoria began sobbing again, her small body shaking as she looked at her beautiful sister, whose face was scrunched with worry.

“ They only want to preserve the values of our house, Tori. They want us to remain pure. The Dark Lord… he can help with that”, Daphne said in a quiet voice.

Astoria pulled away from Daphne, her face clouded over with anger. Daphne suddenly remembered the portrait of their grandmother, Athenadora, who so proudly stood in the vestibule of their house.

“ At what cost, Daphne? At the cost of the lives of thousands of muggleborn wizards and witches? I knew you were cruel but to be so cruel as to let them suffer just so we can remain pure”, Astoria shook her head, “ I’d rather marry a mudblood than join the Dark Lord”.

“ Do not say that, Astoria. Remember that even when you leave our parents, you still have to perform your vows before Draco. I know about things that happen in his house that you can't even imagine”, Daphne warned her, her green eyes blazing in the dark, “ Keep quiet about what you think, Astoria. Because if the Malfoys find out…”.

Astoria lowered her head, worrying her lip, mulling over her marriage with Draco Malfoy. Malfoy, even more so than usual, avoided speaking to Astoria, paying her little attention. She was grateful for her betrothal to him, for she was devoid of the attention from the likes of Parkinson, Crabbe and Goyle. She didn't think of what their clashing ideologies would do once they married.

“ I'm gonna have to marry Draco…” Astoria let out in horror, letting herself think about for once, after years spent trying to forget about it.

“ Lucius Malfoy got sent to Azkaban, Tori. Mum and dad don't say anything but I hear them talk about the state of their family. The Dark Lord is angry with them. They are falling from his graces and you will have to fall with them”, Daphne said.

“ No…”, Astoria choked out, “ No, but… they can't let me marry him if he's out of the Lord’s graces, right? They won't. They can't”.

Daphne shook her head, causing Astoria’s heart to drop to her feet.

“ If you dissolve the vows you are to never marry again. Your blood will be cursed so that you won't be able to have children and you will live in misery. Those vows that you and I took, they are powerful. It will hurt to dissolve them. So, do not even try”, Daphne told her as she clutched Astoria’s hands.

Astoria turned her head away from Daphne, because each time she looked at her, she remembered that she loved people that so cruelly treated the people Astoria wanted to protect. Would it be like that with Draco? Would she have to be wife to a man who tortured and killed innocent people? Was it why Daphne warned Astoria away from him in the first year? Maybe, it was because she knew that Draco was slowly descending to the Dark side. Maybe, it was because she knew Astoria wouldn't want to fall with him. 

“ All you can do right now is try to survive, Tori. With opinions like that, it won't be possible. Just wait it out. Once you're married to Draco, then you can do something. Just not now”, Daphne said before standing up.

“Wait”, Astoria said, grabbing the end of Daphne’s dress, “ But, I thought… I thought you hated mudbloods. Why are you not angry at me like mother and father are?”.

Daphne smiled and the image that Astoria had of her laughing with Pansy about the misfortune of others began to vanish from Astoria’s mind.

“ Because I love you more than I hate mudbloods”, she replied, pausing before speaking again, “ And believe it or not, I don't want the dumb mudbloods to die either. I'm not that cruel”.

With those words, Daphne walked away, leaving Astoria in her room, confused and frustrated. How many times would she have to ‘wait it out’? How many years would she have to stay silent for the sake of appeasing the likes of her own family and the family she'd be marrying into? How long until Astoria could finally breathe free? 

The sad truth was that the only answer to those questions that Astoria could think of was forever. All because her family were pure blooded maniacs.

Astoria glanced at her family ring, the motto engraved proudly unto silver.

_ Omnis puritas. _

_ Purity above all. _

Tears began to sting her eyes and she tossed the ring away, hearing the clank as it landed on the wooden floor. She never really understood the motto of their house until that day. Until she realised that purity would always be above Astoria’s own happiness, her freedom and her will to fight. Even if she tossed the ring away and ran off to far off lands, the motto would still haunt her, it would still weigh upon her shoulders till the day she was buried. 

The realisation only caused Astoria to cry harder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter focuses more on Astoria as a person, but we will be getting more Draco and Astoria interactions later. Please do not forget to leave kudos and comments! They're what keep me going!


	3. Dormiens

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The shell must break before the bird can fly -Alfred Tennyson
> 
> (for the full experience listen to Dumbledore's Farewell (Extended) by Nicholas Hopper)

 

Draco’s mother used to tell him that he was born under a lucky star. She would tell him what a lucky boy he was before he went to sleep, that he had everything that a boy his age might want. Draco had the affluence, the riches, the looks, the intelligence, the cleverness, and ambition. Everything was handed to him on a silver platter. All that he wanted, Draco always got. When he was young, because his mother and father gave him everything, he thought that the world was built for him and him alone.

Draco had everything until one moment, he had nothing.

He still remembered the night when his father was taken to Azkaban after the Battle in the Department of Mysteries. He remembered despair seeping through him and sorrow like nothing else invading his mind. The Dark Lord was furious and the entire house seemed to shake under his fury, causing Draco’s mother to hide in the corner of her own home. After a few hours of silence filled with unspent rage, the Dark Lord told Draco of his mission. Draco remembered that night as if he was watching it from the outside, he felt so detached then, even as he heard his mother’s wails in the background. That night, the night that his mission was given, Draco realized that he did not have it all. Whatever peace he may have had before, whatever privilege was gone to dirt.

He spent the year in constant paranoia, fear, and frustration. His emotions ate away at him like poison and there was not a moment when Draco did not think of his mission. Dumbledore’s benevolent, kind face kept popping up in his head, making Draco want to burst out crying, which led to him pushing it far down his mind. Instead, Draco often looked at the pictures of his mother and father and remembered who he was doing it for. Every time he looked at them, he felt a little bit more motivation to move a little faster, to think a little smarter. It was not the time to think of morality. All rules of morality ceased to exist when someone threatened Draco’s family.

Then, there was, of course, Astoria. 

“ You have an intended, do you not?”, the Dark Lord asked him the summer before Draco went off to Hogwarts for his sixth year.

Draco froze then, meeting his mother’s terrified gaze. In his mind’s eye, he could still see Astoria when they were both children. Bright green eyes, waves of light brown hair, freckles and that little smirk of hers. 

He gulped before answering.

“ I do, my Lord”, Draco replied gently, hoping that the topic would be dropped.

“ What is her name, I wonder?”, the Dark Lord asked in an eerie, deceivingly light tone.

Draco stood still for several moments, thinking of days when he would tell his friends to leave Astoria be. He did automatically, although most without thinking. Was all the protection he tried to provide her for naught?

“ Astoria Greengrass”, Draco choked out, his hands fisted by his sides.

The Dark Lord smiled in delight. Draco wanted to throw up. He wondered for the thousandth time how someone could so cold, how someone could send Draco freezing with just one look.

“ What a wonderful family, the Greengrasses. Truly cunning till the very end…and loyal too”, the Dark Lord said unassumingly, then paused, “ It would be a shame to have to tell Perseus and Rhea that their daughter had perished because of your mistake. I wouldn't want to that, do you, Draco?”.

Draco shook his head. Narcissa took a deep breath from beside him, her eyes closed in an expression of what seemed like a concealed pain. Draco often wondered, what it was that she felt as she watched her only child be tormented by the Dark Lord. It made him feel sick all over again. 

“ I will do as needed, my Lord”, Draco said as he clutched his forearm, where the Dark Mark was scorched into his skin, behind his back.

Since that incident, Draco did his best to avoid Astoria. It wasn't really that hard, considering how little they had to interact and how closed off Astoria had become. It was not as if they were chummy with each other before either. To Draco, she was always a child. To think of her as anything else just added onto the list of things that hurt Draco’s head.

But, it seemed that he couldn't escape her for long since he woke up to see her beside him after meeting head to head with Potter in the girl's bathroom. Draco woke up as the sun filtered in through the window, feeling sore all over his body. He blinked several times as he stared up at Astoria, who sat on a stool beside his bed, her light brown hair illuminated in gold.

“ What happened? Why am I here?”, he asked as he looked around, noticing that he was in the infirmary.

Draco was ready to stand up but Astoria pushed him down by pressing on his chest, a cross look on her face. Draco grumbled in discontent.

“ You got cursed by Potter, Draco. It was some curse that caused blood to gush out of cuts. Professor Snape arrived on time to stop the worst but he did bring you to the infirmary. You need to rest so do not stand up”, Astoria told him strictly.

Draco looked around himself once more, noticing that just like four years ago, it was just him and Astoria in the infirmary. 

“ What are you doing here, Greengrass?”, he asked her as she handed him a potion that he drank hesitantly.

“ I was here with Madame Pomfrey, asking her about this potion I'm brewing against stomach aches”, Astoria replied, her green eyes lowering, “Then you came in with Professor Snape. There was blood all over your robes and you looked like you were hurting. So, I decided to stay”.

Draco didn't say anything for a while, watching as Astoria rearranged different bottles filled with potions. He noticed that she had grown up, now she was taller and her hips were wider and her waist smaller. He realized that she was becoming a woman and something in his stomach didn't rest well at that thought.

He looked away and cleared his throat.

“ If you are helping me out of some misconstrued duty that you feel, don't bother”, Draco said as he watched Astoria move round and fro.

She stopped when he said that and looked at him for several moments. Draco knew of the rumors floating around that he was a Death Eater. He knew that those rumors must've reached Astoria as well. He wondered if it changed how she thought of him.

“ I do have duties before you but this does not include them. I am doing this because… because I like to think we can be friends”, she told him, her face soft and gentle.

Draco felt a warmth spread from his chest, as if for the first time since forever. He noticed that there was something different in Astoria, not just physically. There was an exhaustion, a sadness lurking beneath her face. He wondered what had caused it.

“ You heard of what they say about me”, Draco said matter of factly.

“ I did”, she answered curtly, she said as she folded bandages.

A few beats passed before Draco spoke again.

“ And?”, he insisted.

“ And what, Draco? They say you are Death Eater now but people say many things. I don't want to believe every single thing that they whisper ‘round the castle”, Astoria said, turning away to look out the windows of the infirmary.

Draco paused, mulling over her words. He always kept an ear out as to what happened in Greengrass Hall, as well as Astoria. While Perseus Greengrass was secretly supporting the Dark Lord, there was talk of Astoria being against his rhetoric. 

“ You don't want me to be a Death Eater because then you’ll have to be married to one”, he said, an ironic chuckle escaping him, “ What if what they say is true? Would you break the vows we made?”.

Astoria swiftly turned around, her eyes narrowing. 

“ I cannot break them and you know that. Who you are, what you've become, at the end of the day, it doesn't matter. What I think, what I want to be doesn't matter either”, she answered, her voice wavering a little, “ Neither of us really controls our lives. All we can do is make the best of what's given”.

Draco couldn't think of a reply to her answer for a while, simply looking at her. He was right in thinking that Astoria changed. She was no longer a child. She had grown over the summer in ways that he hadn’t expected. It reminded Draco of himself, of how he had changed over this summer. Seeing that reflected in Astoria hurt him more than it should've.

Astoria shot him a look that spoke beyond words. It spoke of a promise to stay and be there and for once, Draco felt as if he was not alone. Even if only vows that they spoke as children that bound them to each other, it didn’t change the fact that they were stuck in this together. When she left, Draco still replayed that look in his mind, clinging to it mindlessly.

After that incident with Potter, when Pansy invited Draco into one of the empty classrooms to take his mind off things the way she usually did, Draco hesitated. Although Draco and Pansy were both comfortable in finding solace in each other’s arms, for once, Draco thought of Astoria. And with each unenthusiastic thrust in Pansy Parkinson, Draco feels more guilt eat away at him like poison. 

Since then, he did not seek out Pansy again and Astoria suddenly began to appear more and more in his midnight thoughts. There was an unspoken connection between them, one that consisted of looks shared across halls and small gestures. Draco remembered how after a particularly rough night, when he could barely stand up, Astoria slipped in an energizing potion while he was in the common room. Another time, when there were heavy bags under his eyes, she left a sleeping potion behind her. While those little gestures only provided temporary distractions, they were enough to keep Draco going. 

But, he lived for so long obsessing over the process of reaching his goal that Draco completely lost his bearings once he was face to face with Dumbledore. Suddenly, he felt such panic, such horror, as he faced Dumbledore’s understanding face. It made him want to scream in rage and burst out crying at the same time.  He couldn’t do it, he couldn’t, for whatever humanity he had left in him. He couldn’t kill. He was not a killer.

Even as Draco watched Snape kill Dumbledore, something in him broke. Draco sensed that it was his last shred of innocence, of childlike wonder. He also sensed that it would be something that he could never, ever get fix again.

After all of it was over, Draco didn’t feel the same. After that entire ordeal, he came out of it feeling as if all that he believed in so fervently suddenly turned to ash. Whatever rhetoric they taught of keeping blood pure, of maintaining the glory of their house, none of it mattered. It all came down to the fact that there were people that were good and people that were bad. It was just that Draco made the mistake of being on the side of those that were clearly very, very bad.

And there could be no returning from that.

**Author's Note:**

> The title of this work comes from the Malfoy family sigil, which from Latin translates to 'Purity will always conquer'.


End file.
